Payne: The Sin Cruise (The Michigan View 08.19.11)

Posted by hpayne on August 20, 2011

The Woodward Dream Cruise in Detroit this weekend is an orgy of iron celebrating the individual, horsepower, consumer choice, automotive genius, the internal combustion engine, noise, carbon dioxide, crowds, and personal liberty.

In short, it is EVERYTHING that President Obama and his Green Church revile.

To the Religious Left, Woodward is the devil’s playpen. It is immoral. It is the gay (read: happy) marriage of man and machine with no public transportation in sight. No wonder Father Obama avoided Woodward on his Midwest bus swing.

Ironically, Government Motors is smack in the middle of it all, trying desperately to straddle the two worlds of Detroit heathens and Washington prudes. GM is using the Dream Cruise to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Chevy, which has brought out gas-gulping iron from Camaros to Vettes.

But desperate to please its federal savior, Chevy invited a fleet of Volt owners to celebrate with the sinners, making for an awkward display of HP and PC. Volt owners looked as comfortable at the Cruise as priests in a Victoria’s Secret shop.

“I wish it were a Volt Cruise,” one Green Church member and Volt owner told The Detroit Free Press. “The noise at night this week, when you’re trying to sleep —”

“You have to wear earplugs,” finished his wife.

Ewwww!

“I would say more Volt (guy) than Chevy (guy),” said Patrick Wang, all the way from Left Coast Berkley, Calif., whose VOLT 10 license plate alerts everyone of his holy purchase of the 10th Volt built. “But Chevy – it’s getting there. Especially in the office, since I drive a Volt, now that they’ve seen it, they’re more likely to consider a Chevy.”

Ah, California, where a hybrid saves the soul. Out here in meat-eating land, he with the most Corvettes wins.

Whatever GOP candidate wins in 2012 would do well to come to the Cruise in 2013. Take Rick Perry, for example. It would suit his anti-elitist nature (the Texas A&M grad famously clashes with Yalie Dubya) and he would relish the contrast to Obama’s snobbish Martha’s Vineyard retreat.

And it would send a profound message that the EPA’s green inquisition is over and that SUVers aren’t sinners.

 

Comments are closed.