Payne: Sedan sirens, Buick LaCrosse and Jaguar XJL

Posted by hpayne on August 11, 2016

Two rejuvenated brands are turning heads this year

The heck with big sport utilities.

Those breadboxes on wheels have taken over our automotive kingdom. Boxy and brawny, they have become Americans’ vehicle of choice. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. Their utility is undeniable. They efficiently swallow families and their stuff. They give soccer moms visual command of the landscape. They assist senior citizens with an easy step up rather than a back-breaking stoop down. And they provide NBA-friendly room for sharp elbows and tall knees.

Utility? You bet. But sport? I mean, even Porsche can’t make a car jacked a foot in the air feel like a Porsche. There’s no denying physics. And stick a fifth door on anything and it’s going to look like a box. There are some lovely beaks out there, from the Maserati Lavante’s trident grill to the Mazda CX’9’s sunny smile. But you’ll never hear anyone talk about a ute’s gorgeous glutes. Or curvy hips.

SUVs are from Mars, sedans are from Venus.

For those who want beauty and athleticism in a large vehicle, there will always be sedans. Sedans may be down and out on dealer lots, but their inherent grace and feminine lines are still the benchmark for automotive style. Speaking of down and out, two rejuvenated old brands are turning heads this year with stunning full-size sedans that bookend the luxury segment: The entry-lux 2017 Buick LaCrosse and top-of-the-line 2016 Jaguar XJL.

With its stunning, much-copied lines, the XJL has helped re-establish Jaguar as luxury’s premier beauty. At the cheaper end of the lux menu, the LaCrosse manages to rekindle the spirit of the era when Buick wowed the world with designs like the 1954 Wildcat.

Few will lament the passing of the old LaCrosse. Heavy, arthritic and bulbous, it did little to shake the brand’s reputation as a purveyor of land yachts. Happily, however, Buick caught the SUV wave at just the right time, riding the fresh Enclave and Encore to sales glory. Buick has dominated the small-ute class with the perky and innovative Encore. That’s right — I just used innovative, dominated and perky in the same sentence as Buick.

SUV success has given the sedans a chance to get their act together and the all-new LaCrosse doesn’t disappoint.

It’s the first GM product built on the Epsilon II platform — E2 for short — and like other new GM platforms from Chevy and Caddy, it’s been hitting the gym. E2 lost 150 pounds from its predecessor, part of a 300-pound diet that has made LaCrosse a fit 3,650 pounds. Leaner and meaner, the lower-by-1.3 inches, more athletic-looking LaCrosse gained 2.7 inches in wheelbase, 1.3 inches in width.

Combined with a new five-link rear suspension (usually found in more upscale lux athletes like BMW) and a torque-vectoring, GKN-developed, dual-clutch all-wheel drive system (usually found in track-tuners like the Ford Focus RS), the LaCrosse delivers superb handling for a big car.

It’s startling, really. Like those Snickers commercials starring Betty White, it’s as if your granny’s Buick ate a candy bar and transformed into a 200-pound football player. Or, more appropriately in this case, a 200-pound lacrosse middie. Compared to class competitors like Lexus ES350 or Nissan Maxima, the Buick is more aligned with Maxima’s athletic DNA.

Over curvy Route 47 northwest of Portland, Oregon, I found the Buick fun through the twisties (fun and Buick — in the same sentence!), rotating with minimal body roll before putting the 305-horse, 3.6-liter V6’s hammer down. Try that in the boaty Lexus and you’ll get seasick.

But the real achievement of the LaCrosse is that’s it’s turned the clock back and made Buick pretty again. Buick actually rented out space in Portland’s artsy Pearl District to show off her curves.

Dash lines are sleek — check out the chrome bezel under the console that runs uninterrupted from instrument panel to passenger door. Out front, Buick’s winged grill — first seen at the 2015 Detroit Auto Show on the Avenir concept — accentuates the car’s lower, more horizontal lines. Those signature, old-school, boat-worthy Buick portholes? They have mercifully been demoted from the hood to aft of the front fender wells. The new Buick is all about wings.

The Buick even has Jaguar-esque lines. The LaCrosse’s coupe-like roof line, cat-eye headlights and full-mouthed grille echo the English cat. Initial design sketches even contained similar rocker panel chrome to the XJL (scrubbed in the final version, perhaps for cost).

To get the full Jaguar effect, it’ll cost you. About double the LaCrosse, actually.

The elegant $89,820 (as tested) XJL is the biggest, sleekest cat in the Jaguar litter. It’s the stretched version of the lovely, full-size XJ sedan introduced in 2012. Like Margot Robbie in heels, the XJL’s long proportions make it looked even sexier, tapered roof flowing into sleek haunches.

The Jaguar gets the expected royal-lux touches for 2016 — “double-J” daytime running lights, doors that suck close, rotary dial rising out of the dash at ignition. In practice, the Jaguar’s simpler dial blows away the LaCrosse’s finicky monostable doo-hickey. Yet Buick holds its own, even providing clever sub-console space that the Jag lacks, though to be honest I was so transfixed by the Jaguar’s front and rear camera system (giving you a bumper’s eye view of the road fore and aft while driving) that I didn’t mind its lack of Apple CarPlay/Android Auto. That popular feature comes standard (ahem) not only in the LaCrosse, but in entry-level compacts like the Chevy Cruze.

Beauty has its drawbacks, and the Jaguar’s rear visibility is dreadful compared to the Buick. Interestingly, in China, where big sedans routinely come with a driver, LaCrosse’s rear seats get Jag-like touches with heating, cooling and a shoe shine (and I’m making that last one up).

Stateside, though, the Jaguar XJL’s back seats are a world unto themselves. Lounging in diamond-quilted soft leather, passengers get their own window-blind controls and their own moon-roof controls.

Dah-ling — let me know when we have arrived at the club. I’ll be sunbathing on the back deck.

Yet the driver’s seat, like the LaCrosse, is a place to get your heart racing. The Jag is a 340-horse-drawn AWD locomotive.

Jaguar has lately gotten into the SUV game with the F-Pace, a fat cat that will ring up profits like a cash register on wheels. But no matter how successful Jag and Buick SUVs, their flagship cars will turn your head. Long live the sedan.

2017 Buick LaCrosse

Specifications

Vehicle type: Front-engine, front- or all-wheel drive, five-passenger sedan

Price: $32,990 ($48,575 AWD Premium as tested)

Power plant: 3.6-liter V-6

Power: 305 horsepower, 268 pound-feet torque

Transmission: Eight-speed automatic

Performance: 0-60 mph, 6.0 seconds (Car and Driver); top speed: 145 mph

Weight: 3,840 pounds (AWD as tested)

Fuel economy: EPA 21 mpg city/31 mpg highway/23 mpg combined (AWD as tested)

Report card

Highs: Sleek Buicks are back; road-hugging, AWD handling (that’s not a misprint)

Lows: Clunky monostable shifter; how about a sport version?

Overall:★★★

2016 Jaguar XJL

Specifications

Vehicle type: Front-engine, rear- or all-wheel drive, five-passenger sedan

Price: $74,400 base XJ ($89,820 XJL as tested)

Power plant: 3.0-liter, supercharged, dual-overhead cam V-6

Power: 340 horsepower, 332 pound-feet torque

Transmission: Eight-speed automatic

Performance: 0-60 mph, 5.1 seconds (Car and Driver); top speed: 124 mph (governed)

Weight: 4,397 pounds (AWD as tested)

Fuel economy: EPA 17 mpg city/25 mpg highway/20 combined

Report card

Highs: Timeless beauty; posh rear seat

Lows: Infotainment average; blind spots the size of Wyoming

Overall:★★★

Comments are closed.